Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

Be who you already are.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Tom Cruise Reunites With Brad Pitt at ‘F1’ Premiere; Actors Were Supposed to Race Together in a ‘Ford v Ferrari’ Movie That Got Axed Over Budget - Variety

I was tired of trying and failing.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

I was tired of fighting.

Musk-Trump Spat Hits New High As Musk’s Ex Piles On - HuffPost

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

And the sadness?

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

37 Hidden Gems On Amazon That’ll Make You Think “Where Have You Been All My Life?” - BuzzFeed

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

How long can someone with narcissistic tendencies maintain a facade of fake love before their true self is revealed? Is there a specific trigger or amount of time that causes them to reveal their true nature?

It’s here now, writing to you.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

OpenAI Wants to get College Kids Hooked on AI - Gizmodo

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

Cooper Flagg has ‘the whole basketball world here at the tip of his fingers.’ Newport, Maine, couldn’t be prouder. - The Boston Globe

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

What is the sum of X+XX+XXX+XXXX?

It’s still here.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

The sadness was still there.

Exactly When Apple Will Launch iPhone 17 And iPhone 17 Pro - Forbes

I had run out of hope.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

You are like me, then.

QUALITY OVER QUANTITY FOR BERTONE’S GOLDEN PRAGUE PUSH - ifsc-climbing.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.